I have been practicing trying to let go and let life happen. I wish I were better at it, but in wishing this were so I realize I am engaging in the struggle to "do" life rather than being "in" life. I need to let go of the struggle of wishing things were a certain way. This is very hard for me to do as I am a control minded person by nature. Not control in the sense that I think I can tell others what to do, but in the sense that I want things in my own life to be a certain way. I have a strong tendency to push myself to reach goals and once reached to take on more challenges. In some ways this has been a positive in my life. It has seen me through some rough times and led me to where I am today. As a high school dropout at 16 and a mother and wife at 17 I was the last person anyone expected to go on to college, let alone graduate school. I have been lucky enough to have the support of my children and husband as I determinedly pursued my education. I have also felt lucky that I am a stubborn person and do not like to accept the word no. Now at 47 looking back on my journey I am beginning to see the other side of being a driven person. I have lived with a tremendous amount of anxiety and worry about the things I cannot control, and let's face it there is much in life we cannot control. And by much I mean really everything. I tend to put up a wall of thoughts between myself and life, I spend more time analyzing, predicting, imagining, and even reminiscing, than I do just sitting and letting life happen. Today I need to plan lessons for the week, I need to catch up on classwork for the ERL class, I need to organize my closet, I need to prep for Early College meetings next week. I have my list sitting beside me ready to check off each item, but more than anything on that list right now what I need to do is go sit outside and listen to the sounds of life that are happening right now. The life that is outside of my own head.
This is one of my favorite blogs . Mary always seems to post just what I need to hear.
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